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| Mon, 8 Mar 2010 14:53:44 |
PassionPlayCC |
Tags:
humor
We already posted one list but here is one that we found that is even longer, and even more true.
100 Signs You May Be A Swinger
1. You are wearing wristbands in most of your vacation photos.
2. Half of the numbers on your cellphone are listed only by screen names.
3. You are running out of reasons to tell your coworkers why you can't go out with them this weekend.
4. You have over 100,000 frequent flyer miles on Air Jamaica.
5. You know most of your friends' names only as couples (Rich and Joy, Frank and Jen) but you don't know their last names.
6. You go to a convention with three huge suitcases, yet are wearing
the same outfit when you return as you did when you left.
7. You had already seen pictures of your friends naked before you ever met them in person.
8. You position the computer screen in your home office in such a way that your children can't possibly sneak up on you.
9. You can't remember the last time you had pubic hair.
10. Before traveling somewhere on business or to visit relatives you look up couples in the area.
11. You worry about explaining to the neighbors why 10 couples show up on a Saturday night carrying over night bags and don't leave until
Sunday afternoon...
12. You never open your garage door until you're in the car with the doors closed.
13. Your gynecologist wonders why you're asking for birth control when he knows that your husband has had a vasectomy.
14. Your hot tub has never had a bathing suit worn in it.
15. Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set.
16. Your wife has a shirt that says: "I Like Girls Too."
17. You have a strippers pole in the middle of your den.
18. You giggle at the golf course when someone asks if they can join your foursome.
19. The last thing you typically do at a party is search for your wife's thong.
20. You've hugged your friends goodnight while naked.
21. You hear the word "Playmate" and your first thought is not "Playboy"
22. The word "slut" has become a term of endearment.
23. You carry lube as often as lipstick.
24. Your choice in new carpeting is heavily based on which type won't give you rug burns.
25. You've taken your Liberator with you to a dinner party.
26. The term Vanilla isn't just a flavor to you anymore.
27. You have a full-length mirror in your bedroom... On your ceiling.
28. You are constantly encouraging your kids to spend the weekend at friends' houses.
29. You don't think twice about wearing a short skirt, high heels and fishnets when there is three feet of snow on the ground.
30. Your wedding reception has an after party.
31. You go to Las Vegas, but never gamble or leave the hotel.
32. You panic when your friend's digital camera goes missing.
33. You've invited friends over and watched porn.
34. You've invited friends over and made porn.
35. You've watched someone do a tequila shot off of your wife's bare ass.
36. Your friends know what brand of condom you prefer.
37. You wake up in the morning and find that half of the clothes on the floor don't fit you or your wife.
38. Your kids think it's normal for adults to have sleepovers.
39. A hot tub is considered a necessity not a luxury.
40. You believe in "Unicorns"... Because you've actually ridden one. (I'm a "Unicorn" bi the way)
41. You leave the kids at home when you go to the toy store.
42. You've taken photos of yourself with your head out of frame; And it was on purpose.
43. You can't decide which of your three naughty schoolgirl outfits you should wear this weekend.
44. You always keep a supply of condoms, lube and clean hand towels by your bed... And your guest bed... And your couch in the living room.
45. The employees fight to take your order at the One Hour Photo.
46. You frequently use the term "Friends of friends" when explaining how you know certain people.
47. You know which of your outfits looks best under a black light.
48. You have an entire closet devoted just to themed outfits.
49. You place a want ad that reads: "Wanted: Reliable babysitter who is willing to stay till sunrise and doesn't ask any questions."
50. You ask the sales man at the furniture store which type of upholstery best repels semen stains.
51. The staff of Hedonism III sends you birthday cards.
52. You come home with that, "There's Something About Mary" hairstyle.
53. The babysitter wonders why you are always already wearing your full-length coat when she arrives.
54. In the gym shower you're the only guy with shaved balls.
55. You know the most flattering angle at which to photograph your genitals.
56. Half of your vacation photos were taken in your hotel room.
57. You have a free place to stay in almost all the fifty states and several cities in Europe.
58. You've closed your e-mails with "Bi Bi".
59. You can expertly identify the tactile differences between every type of breast implant ever created.
60. On Christmas, there are certain presents that can't be opened in front of your family.
61. You know exactly which of your friends are allergic to latex.
62. Your vanilla friends ask why they are never invited to your parties.
63. The movie "Swingers" was a huge disappointment to you.
64. It's an unwritten law that you can't call any of your friends on Saturday or Sunday until at least 5 p.m. so you don't wake them up.
65. You've become especially good at operating your digital camera with one hand.
66. At your "normal" parties no one can go into the basement because you're afraid someone will notice the sex-swing.
67. You're constantly afraid that visiting relatives will pop-in one of your home videos that you forgot to hide.
68. You make bets with other swinger friends about how long it will take to corrupt your cute vanilla girlfriend.
69. You're in a public place and you swear you hear someone shout your screen name.
70. Before introducing them to your visiting family, you pull your friends aside and say, "OK, here's how we know each other..."
71. You start having withdrawals after two days without internet access.
72. When someone asks where you're staying on your trip to Cancun, you pretend that you can't remember the name of the resort. (I've
done that one recently!)
73. You ask a girlfriend to teach you: "That thing you do with your tongue that my husband enjoys so much."
74. In the middle of sex with your spouse, you ask someone else to take over for a minute while you go to the restroom. (Tag Team!)
75. You are more concerned about a pimple on your privates than on your face.
76. You come back from vacation and you have a tan, but no tan lines.
77. The first thing you do checking into a hotel is to ask for a lot of extra towels.
78. All the men bring their wives to your bachelor party.
79. Making it an early night means getting home before 4 a.m.
80. You've handed out business cards to people, but the cards have nothing to do with your occupation.
81. Your sexual fantasies never last very long... Because they keep coming true!
82. You are hanging around vanilla friends and you absentmindedly squeeze their butts.
83. You erase your computer's browser history and cache every time you leave your office.
84. You buy lap dances for your wife... And vice versa.
85. You own a double-headed dildo.
86. You're still smiling on Monday morning about something you did on Saturday night.
87. You're at the market, and the only things in your basket are condoms, breath mints and Red Bull.
88. On vacation you set aside time to stage a bunch of photos that are acceptable to show to your family.
89. After 25 years, people still ask if you're newlyweds.
90. You've had sex with more people since you've been married than you did when you were single.
91. Going to vanilla bars ranks right up there with a root canal.
92. The only time you go out with your vanilla friends is when you're on your period.
93. Your husband has lipstick on his collar and he smells like another woman's perfume and it brings a smile to your face.
94. On Monday morning you are glad to go back to work so you can get some rest.
95. You spend the whole week before your parents arrive calling all you friends telling them not to call your answering machine while
your parents are in town.
96. You get really tired of not making it to McDonalds before they quit serving breakfast Sunday morning (on your way home from a
party).
97. You have an entire external hard-drive devoted to nothing but, your party photos. (or your website photos!)
98. Your spouse is having an orgasm, while you are busy in the other room discussing the stock market.
99. You spent twice as long on your online profile as you did on your resume.
100. If you are reading this and laughing because many of these describe you... That's a pretty good sign that you are a swinger!
And for all you Wanna Be's.. study this! It's all true!
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| Mon, 8 Mar 2010 14:21:58 |
SusanCrainBakos |
Tags:
boytoy
revenge
REVENGE OF THE BOY TOY--Or, No, I Won't Ghost That Book
“I have a project for you,” the agent said. Her last two projects were another tell-all-of-never-before-told-gossip by someone distantly connected to a Kennedy and a wronged political wife memoir. I don’t think so to both. “A young Wall Street trader had three relationships with cougars in two years. He wanted real relationships, with the possibility of a future. They just wanted to use his body.”
No! Really?
“You know I’ll probably side with the cougars,” I said and she laughed.
“Derek was with a trader, a cosmetic surgeon and a writer—high profile women who used him sexually…..”
Derek. I had a little cougar fling with a Wall Street boy named Derek. Or was it Eric? I kept forgetting his name and had to ask my guy pals what it was. But I think it was Derek. Yes, now I am sure it was Derek.
“Do you have any details on the wanton writer?” I asked
“Well, he only has notes, he needs a proposal, the writer has to come on board immediately….” Click, click, tap, tap. She found his notes. “Okay, sex writer taught him about sex toys, gave the best head he’d ever experienced, looked sexy in his white shirts, wouldn’t let him into her life, had more commitment issues than the entire cast of characters on ‘Seinfeld’…..” She broke off and cleared her throat. “Omigod,” she said.
“Sex writer,” I said. Long pause. “I have a title for him: Revenge of the Boy Toy—or My Sex Life With Oedipal Complex.”
Yes, in my other writing life, I am a ghostwriter because it gets me out of my world and into somebody else’s. I’ve ghosted for lawyers, psychologists, doctors, CEOs, scientists, celebs, including a sports star—people who don’t have the time to write their own books. I bond with them, get their story, internalize their voice so I can write as the author, not as myself. It’s very rewarding—in ways beyond money.
I am wrapping my own latest book, The Daily Sex Bible, either my 19th or 20th book with a pub date fall 2010 or winter 2011. Before that, Best Sex Ever comes out in June and then The Little Book of Big Os in ? I may keep haphazard track of the publishing details, but I love my own books and take great pride in them, especially the set of beautifully photographed books I’ve done for Quiver Books beginning with The Sex Bible in 2006. Sugar, nobody combines science-based sex technique with audacious commentary the way I do.
But I need to take a trip to a new world now. I’ve been putting the word out to agents and editors: Looking for exciting project. I thought I might have found one on my own. I heard a DJ’s voice on the radio and couldn’t get it out of my head that day. Checked him out on line. Sent him two emails. I was willing to write a proposal on spec, no upfront money. I was that sure of him as someone with an original voice, a compelling story to tell. No response.
Derek called. He is disappointed that I don’t want to do his book. I told him: Get back to me when your cougar list includes a link to a Kennedy and a scorned political wife. We’ll do lunch.
Reprinted with permission from Susan Crain Bakos Blog Sexy Prime http://sexyprime.typepad.com/sexyprime/
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| Tue, 23 Feb 2010 10:07:49 |
HelpDesk |
Tags:
server
crash
After our server upgrading we experienced a server crash that had us down for about 4 days. This has been fixed and we hope will never happen again. Our people worked around the clock trying to get this taken care of as soon as possible and we apologize if this caused any problems.
We initially had to upgrade as we are planning to continue our process of adding more and more features to swingsearch, but we did not expect obviously the crash and down time that was experienced.
Thank you for understanding and happy swinging.
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| Wed, 10 Feb 2010 11:50:14 |
HelpDesk |
Tags:
friends
online
We have added a feature that will show your friends that are online currently. There is an icon now placed next to your freinds on your home page if they are online. This goes along with the notification system that shows if you have recieved email and if your friends are on with their messenger activated. This will allow you to be able to quickly contact other members on your friends list.
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| Tue, 9 Feb 2010 13:35:18 |
HelpDesk |
Tags:
notification
system
new
SwingSearch has added a new notification system for our members. Now when someone from your friends list comes on line and has their messenger activated, or are online when you sign on, a notification box comes up. This will tell you who is on line so you can make a fast hook up or start chatting. We think this greatly enhances the SwingSearch experience and makes it easier to hook up with new friends and old.
The system also alerts you that you recieved a new email.
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| Tue, 9 Feb 2010 11:33:17 |
HelpDesk |
Tags:
your
profile
We liked this article and thought it was worth sharing:
There are a lot of great things said about swingers personals. Online dating sites claim that they can introduce you to thousands of new sex contacts, get you invited to swinging parties and dogging events and even improve your relationship with your partner. They are also your gateway to new sexual lifestyles, communities and like-minded adults who share your fetishes.
Ten years ago it was considered sleazy and desperate to place a sex personal ad on a website or inside a newspaper. In those days you met new adult contacts by chance or by word of mouth, your options were limited and you had to take what you could get. Today we have the luxury to pick and choice adults for casual dating and no-strings sex all thanks to swingers personals and because our identity is protected nobody can say anything negative about it.
This new marketing tool allows us to find like-minded contacts who share our fantasies and to invite the right type of people to our naughty themed party or dogging evening. You can also create as many swingers personals as you like at no extra cost. A lot of couples use this to their advantage and have an individual ad for themselves, a joint couples ad, a ad that advertises their erotic blog and then themed ads for specific events. There are so many directions that you can go into, that you will never get bored.
You can afford to specify exactly what you want as there are thousands of swingers from your area to choice from. You can stipulate how the person must look like, what type of lifestyle they need to lead, where they must live and even how they must perform in the bedroom. Your sexual preferences may also be very specific and instead of spending all your time on advanced search looking for a very specific sexual partner you can just list all the requirements on the swingers personal. For example: "24 year old female model wants a threesome with a couple acquainted with the BDSM lifestyle. Couple must be interracial, married and into erotic spanking and bondage. I'm only interested if you are both under 40 and live in SW Florida."
If you don't know where to start when writing your ad, then just think of exactly what you want and write it down. In this way you will guarantee that you won't waste time with adults that are into different things than you. Never limit yourself or you will only get adults who won't push your boundaries respond to your request. Be very specific about your sexual needs and what you want and make sure you add a photo as it will better your chances to get contacted. You don't have to be a long time swinger to place swingers personals that will create a lot of interest for you.
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| Tue, 9 Feb 2010 11:14:46 |
SusanCrainBakos |
Tags:
the
men
ask
auntie
sue:
reader
questions
on
kinky
emo
man--and
ASK AUNTIE SUE: Reader Questions on Kinky Men, The Emo Man--and "Are Bitches Better Lovers?"
Readers are still responding to The SexyPrime Taboo Sex Survey. The post from the “married white girl, 37” really struck a chord with women. They love her gut honesty about everything from her raging libido to her messy anal sex experience. (She will be back, I promise.) Some women have asked if the “master” who wrote “It Started With A Mutual Admiration For ‘The Story of O’ “ is available to explore their fantasies.
Babes, I’m gonna’ dish here. I know the man. A professional colleague, he is a rather typical specimen of the post-40 and aging fast white male: balding, little pot belly, outsized sense of his own importance reflected in his belittling of others, convinced his wife couldn’t live without him and his ex-submissive left him because she knew he wouldn’t marry her. Recently he confided that a creative artist, temporarily homeless and very down on her luck, shared an SM fantasy with him. He sent her long emails proposing an SM relationship, warning her he wouldn’t marry her [Who asked him?} and inviting her to be beaten in his bed for a weekend while his wife was away. She, like most women who have such fantasies, wasn’t into that. (But she gave me his emails; and I may publish, partly to hear what responsible members of the BDSM community have to say about his approach.) He wrote a sexy post but I don’t think you want this pudgy little man in your life.
Q. “I read that comment about the woman realizing what she thought was kinky sex was really bad sex with a misogynist who had no spanking skills. Most of my friends, professional women, have had similar experiences. I want to try erotic spanking, but how do I find a guy who knows what he’s doing?” Ginger, 38.
A. I can tell you how to spot the guy who does not know what he’s doing. He dates women who are more successful than he is—and not so secretly resents the dichotomy. His erotic skills from kissing to fucking aren’t that great. And the misogynist lives right under his thin skin. (Listen to him. A woman is always to blame.) Read one of the most popular posts on SexyPrime, “A Fine Line Between Lust and Loathing”.
If you have a good sex partner, tell him you’d like to be spanked. I know it can be hard to tell your lover what you want, partly because you don’t want to shock or offend him. Take the chance! Buy one of Rachel Kramer Bussel’s erotic anthologies, Bottoms Up: Spanking Good Stories and Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica for inspiration. Explore together. If you don’t have a good sex partner—keep looking. You are not likely to get a good spanking from that surly guy you meet in a bar.
Q. “I want to know more about Emo Man! He seems like he would be a fabulous lover. How do I get my guy to be more emo? He did try the Whiskey Dick Cunnilingus Technique. Great!” Carrie, 31.
A. Emo Man has turned shy. I would love to have him back for more conversations. Yes, I sense that he is an exceptional lover too. (I write this as I am lying in bed with my lover/cousin/lawyer who advises, “Men share their feelings while they’re making love to you. Pay attention. You don’t need the dialogue to get the message.” Good advice.)
It’s easier to get a man to try a new oral move than become suddenly emotional. Some guys (and women) aren’t that emotional. The more you push, the more he withdraws and withholds. How would you feel if he asked you to produce an emotional response on command?
Powerful men can also be fabulous in bed, Babes.
Q. “The best sex I ever had was with a woman I would never marry. Frankly, she’s a bitch—tough, smart, successful, killer instincts. I am engaged to a wonderful woman. The sex is good, not great. Will I one day regret letting the bitch go? Are bitches always better in bed?” Adam, 30.
A. Oh, sweet Adam, of course you will! (But you’d probably have more regrets if you actually married the bitch. Look at as-good-as-married Brad Pitt.) Marriage is rife with regret. A successful marriage requires that one have a pragmatic mindset about love, passion, commitment, monogamy—not encouraged in Western society.
Are bitches always better in bed? Being something of a bitch myself, I can’t answer that one. (Hint: We claim our own pleasure. Maybe that’s what excited you.)
Reprinted with permission from Susan Crain Bakos Blog Sexy Prime http://sexyprime.typepad.com/sexyprime/
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| Wed, 3 Feb 2010 20:45:49 |
SusanCrainBakos |
Tags:
for
sex
is
of
the
ask
auntie
sue:
reader
questions
on
money
lies--and
ASK AUNTIE SUE: Reader Questions on Money for Sex, Sex Lies--and "What Is The Average Cost of Getting Laid?"
As the recession continues to hover over our heads and winter keeps poking us with icy claws, SexyPrime readers seem to be pondering the connection between sex, money and lies. I won’t chastise you for displaying your sexual mercenary side. Most of the human condition could fit into the sex/money/lies category—yes?
Q. “I am seeing a man I know to be wealthy, but he doesn’t spend it on me. We go to moderately-priced restaurants—He never over-tips—and he doesn’t buy me gifts, except flowers occasionally. The sex is good, but I am not as excited about going to bed with him as I was. My girlfriends say bide my time and fake the lust. I know you say, ‘Don’t fake,’ so what should I do—start asking for things?” Jennifer, 36.
A. “Sex and the City” did us all a disservice by presenting an advisory panel of girlfriends as a good thing. Bide your time for what? Fake why? Should you ask for “things?”! How do you plan to do that? Honey, I would get excited about giving you a blow job if you gave me a nice piece of jewelry first? Set your price and be straightforward about it. How much do you think your sexual skills are worth? Attach a monetary value to each of them and hand him the price list. Maybe he won’t mind paying for sex. (Tip: See The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs.)
I’ve had rich lovers and poor ones. Sometimes the most generous men have little money. The wealthy, on the other hand, may hold back because they are afraid of being wanted only for their money. It’s a complex subject. By the way, I love flowers. A man who brings flowers charms me. The lavish bar tipper does not impress me—but I never worked as a bartender.
Q. “Why do women always lie about the number of partners they’ve had? My women friends admit their numbers to me but lie to their sex partners. My girlfriend swears I’m only her fourth—but I doubt it. Is there a trick to figuring out how much a woman is lying about her sexual past?” Josh, 34.
A. Women lie because high numbers are still more socially acceptable for men than women. Buy a copy of The Sex Bible for Women as a birthday gift for one (or all) of your gal pals—and read it before wrapping. The studies on how men and women report sexual behavior are fascinating. (Plus you will pick up some good sex tips.)
I don’t believe that any of us owe a new partner the body count. We do owe him or her the truth about exposure to STIs. She may have had 20 disease-free partners and one who exposed her to herpes. You need to know about the one. Use condoms until you are in a committed relationship—and then keep using them until you have both been tested for STIs.
Q. “My brother is twenty years older than I am. Recently divorced, he asks me for ‘dating’ advice. I tell him, ‘Bro, we don’t date.’ He broke it down to the ultimate question, ‘What is the cost of getting laid—and not by a prostitute?’” Kendrick, 29.
A. “I met a 26 year old film producer at a lunch feting author Barry Udall last week. She said, ‘No one dates anymore, so I keep a gaggle of men.’ She doesn’t necessarily have hook-up sex with them, but the gaggle responds to “Let’s meet for a drink” calls. People over 35 may have hook-ups and gaggles of their own, but they still date.
Tell your brother the cost of getting laid varies depending on his socioeconomic status and whether he is looking for a bar bathroom blow job or sex on clean sheets with the possibility of coffee in the morning. Remind him he may not get laid on the first date. Getting the quality woman into her bed or his will cost from $500 to $1.000 on drinks and dinners.
Now tell him to read the first question in this column.
Reprinted with permission from Susan Crain Bakos Blog Sexy Prime http://sexyprime.typepad.com/sexyprime/
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| Wed, 3 Feb 2010 10:14:13 |
HelpDesk |
Tags:
membership
lifetime
SwingSearch is happy to announce a new lower price for our Lifetime Premium Membership. For $99.99 never pay fees again and enjoy all the premium benefits.
>Initiate Emails and Chats
>Form a Community and advertise your events
>Post a Speed Date for a last minute hook up
>Advertise your service in our member service area.
We are constantly trying to add features and make your experience on SwingSearch better.
Sign up today and have fun.
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| Tue, 2 Feb 2010 11:18:29 |
HelpDesk |
Tags:
communities
We are in our final beta testing of our new Communities section and will be launching it for use on Sunday Feb. 7. At that time you will be able to form a community, advertise your events to your membership and to the site at large, and have an external link to your website.
We also will mark members with Groups as VIP and an Icon will be placed on your profile so other members can find you easily.
If you would like to form a community, Sunday at 12:01am we will be live.
Have fun and thank you for understandinga as we upgrade your site for you.
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| Mon, 1 Feb 2010 12:19:01 |
SusanCrainBakos |
Tags:
sex
survey
taboo
how
HOW "DOWN-AND-DIRTY" DO YOU GO?--SexyPrime's Taboo Sex Survey Results
“Taboo? That’s a perfume, isn’t it? Or a men’s fragrance? Oh, you mean sex stuff that’s forbidden. Yeah, I’ve heard about some of those,” white married man in his forties. “Taboos? No. I have a set of personal rules I sometimes break,” a “hot Latino babe, 28.” SexyPrime readers aren’t pushing the sexual envelope. That envelope is open. Of the 312 respondents to the SexyPrime Taboo Sex Survey, a mere 25 made censorial comments as their answers to some questions. (“…anal sex is disgusting”, “people who use whips should be locked up”, “Isn’t group sex against the law? It should be.”) Most of you said, I like this, I don’t like (or have an inclination to try) that. Exactly. I don’t eat sushi, but I don’t judge you if you do. Once again, three-fourths of respondents were age 22-44—but two of my most articulate and adventurous regular survey-takers are men in their fifties, one white and one African American. Overall, the answers to the questions were so similar that breaking them down into sections laced liberally with quotes—my usual survey report style—didn’t seem like the most interesting way to cover the topic. A few observations and conclusions:
•33% said they have “personal rules” not taboos—with the number one rule being “No sex with bosses or co-workers,” a rule that is violated every day, of course. Other rules concerned protecting their partners from discovering an affair, using condoms and codes of conduct for BDSM or group sex play.• African American women reported more sex taboos, including anal sex, interracial sex, and swallowing.•Golden showers is a turn-off for most.•Women overwhelmingly said: no sex in another woman’s bed, no sex in the kid’s beds.
•Forty percent of white men said they had paid for sex at least once—typically on business trips. Twenty percent of black men, thirty percent of Asian-Americans and only 10% of Latinos had. Fifty to sixty percent of male respondents from Europe, India, Australia, the Virgin Islands and Africa have paid for sex. No women in the survey had—though one woman said, “If you are Sugar Mama to your man, you are paying for sex; you just don’t call it that.”•Only three white women admit to having sex with a relative. {“But reading about your experience with your distant cousin has convinced me to pay more attention to the cousins at the next wedding.” “Maybe my Catholic upbringing comes in a little here but I do love incest erotica even if I’ve never met a cousin (or other close relative) that seemed to turn me on. Maybe I just have not-all-that-attractive relatives—and maybe I’m a bit of a frog myself.”)• Twenty-five percent—mostly white women and black men— have had interracial sex. But another 60% said it wasn’t taboo. (“I haven’t had the opportunity yet, but ladies of color, I’m a young white man in Iowa who would be very receptive to your charms.”) Eighty percent of African American women said: Yes, it is a taboo.•Group sex? Threesomes? BDSM? A quickie in a public rest room? Not taboo, just a matter of personal preferences. Extramarital affair? Younger partner after divorce? Sexually liberating experiences—especially for women. Readers, is nothing dirty anymore?
Several readers wrote about anal sex experiences that turned messy. (The two included in the posts below are funnier than the famous Tucker Max story.) That honesty is appreciated. (If you have anal intercourse after a big meal, you may be sorry.) Anal sex looks so good in porn because the women had one or more enemas the night before, ate nothing before going on set, squirted anal syringes of lubricant up their anuses and wore a butt plug prior to the action. Once again I say: Men, you just don’t roll her over and “slip it in” the way the actors appear appear to do.
Reprinted with permission from Susan Crain Bakos Blog Sexy Prime http://sexyprime.typepad.com/sexyprime/
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| Sun, 31 Jan 2010 22:37:49 |
Yorick |
Tags:
and
to
the
new
site
looking
get
into
lifestyle
I just recently joined and very interested in meeting and learning about swingers. I am shy and looking to overcome that and meet new people. I have a wide variety of interests from writing to trivia and comedy. I will be utilizing that talent in this blog.
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| Thu, 28 Jan 2010 10:49:58 |
HelpDesk |
Tags:
search
The search function has been upgraded. This only affected a small handful of members that were being affected. We appreciate your understanding.
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| Tue, 26 Jan 2010 17:49:04 |
HelpDesk |
Tags:
communities
Pardon our dust as we revamp our entire community section. This should be completed by Valentine's Day.
The new community section will allow members to form a group, add events, get members to sign up for events, and to email and advertise to their membership.
Swing clubs will be able to keep up to date and their members informed.
Also, there will be an overall events page that will help our membership to know what is happening around their areas.
Stay tuned and this will be an exciting new enhanced feature of SwingSearch.
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| Tue, 26 Jan 2010 17:30:31 |
SusanCrainBakos |
Tags:
the
taboo
rape
fantasy:
every
woman's
fantasy
THE RAPE FANTASY: Every Woman's Taboo Fantasy
“I’ve harbored a secret rape fantasy for years. It is all about unbridled lust—unlike REAL rape which is a power trip for some asshole.
“Come on whose ego wouldn’t benefit from knowing a frustrated (trusted) man couldn’t control the animal urge to push you against the wall, raise your skirt and have his way???
“Really, ladies?
“Since the divorce, I’ve also learned about silk ties and blindfolds—and oh, it’s so delicious.
“There’s something about being at his mercy—not knowing what’s coming next—anticipation, baby!”
--Reader, “white female, divorced, in 40s.
Women do fantasize rape—but, as this reader makes clear, not the brutal crime of rape. The fantasy is the erotic extension of the fairy tale myths of our girlhood. Sleeping Beauty. Cinderella. Snow White. They do not choose; they are chosen. They do not act; they are acted upon. The Prince awakens them. In our big girl fantasies, he wants us so badly that he rips off our panties. (Read any romance novels lately?)
But he is the Prince, always the Prince, who satisfies us completely—not that icky troll living under the bridge.
According to a report on Slate on an article in The Journal of Sex Research, between one-third and more than one-half of women have experienced the rape fantasy with one in ten fantasizing sexual assault in a pleasurable way at least once a month.
Conventional wisdom of therapists holds that the rape fantasy gives women permission to enjoy sexuality. (”The girl can’t help it.”)
Meredith Chivers, a psychology professor at Queens University and famous for her studies of bonobos, suggests the fantasy may be rooted in the “split of female sexuality.”
“Men’s minds and genital were in agreement,” she says, referencing studies of men and women watching sexual videos. “But among women, genital blood flow differed sharply from self-reported arousal.”
Consistently in studies our vaginas report more arousal than our brains claim to be experiencing. Some experts have an evolutionary explanation for that: in eras when all sex was rough sex, women’s bodies vaginas lubricated in self-defense. Others posit that female desire is driven by ‘being desired”—and the powerful rape fantasy is the ultimate in being desired.
Whatever its roots, the rape fantasy creates conflict in some women. I think I’ll put together a quick survey on that subject alone. Meanwhile, relax and enjoy—and know that fantasizing romanticized rape does not mean you want to be attacked.
Reprinted with permission from Susan Crain Bakos Blog Sexy Prime http://sexyprime.typepad.com/sexyprime/
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| Mon, 25 Jan 2010 23:19:45 |
HelpDesk |
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We are happy to announce that we will be including Susan Crain Bakos' SexyPrime blog entries on SwingSearch.
You can read her blog entries under the Application tab in SexyPrime.
WHO IS SUSAN CRAIN BAKOS? (In her own words)
As an outspoken champion of female sexual empowerment, I am here to enhance your sex life. I am a research sexologist, a sex educator, a magazine journalist--with credits from The Ladies Home Journal to Penthouse--the author of fifteen books and a ghostwriter. Listening and talking to people about their most intimate erotic experiences comes easily to me; and I believe that this is a healing skill. We express our core identities through our sexuality. I support and celebrate your choices freely made. And I stand up for female sexuality at every age and stage of life. Ah, but I also love men. I am a natural born flirt. As an aging Boomer, I want to be an example of sexual freedom, especially to my sister Cougars and younger women. I am the outrageous Auntie Mame (with the latest science of sex studies in her overnight bag along with the scarves and pearls and black lace-topped thigh high stockings) who gives her married sister a vibrator for Mother's Day and adores her young nieces. I will always be on your side. And I want men to know that I will be pleading their case too.
This should be a great addition to SwingSearch. We also invite you to purchase any or all of her books. There is a link at the bottom of each member's home page.
Have fun reading Susan's blog entries.
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| Mon, 25 Jan 2010 12:59:34 |
SusanCrainBakos |
Tags:
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IT'S (ALMOST) ALL GOOD: A Reader's Very Hot Taboo Sex Report
She identifies herself as "a 37 year old married white girl." Her answers to the Taboo Sex Survey were so sexy, funny, surprising, audacious, provocative--and flat-out good reading--that I had to reprint the entire email letter, un-edited. Here it is:
"What sexual acts are taboo?
"Anal intercourse? Only taboo with a really large cock, which my husband has, sadly for him. We've done it before, but while it was good in the moment, it was uncomfortable enough in the ensuing days to become taboo in our house. Now, for lovers with more reasonable sized penises, it's negotiable. I had one lover with whom the first, last and only time we had anal sex, the sheets (and we) got rather nasty, so never again. He seemed fine with it, but I wasn't. Since I can't see what's going on, I think if it gets messy he ought to mention it, especially since we were in a hotel. I felt so bad for the cleaning lady.
"One lover also let me bleed all over hotel sheets. We'd been playing for an hour or so with me face down. I assumed I was just wet because he was skilled with his fingers, but then... no. It was my period. Blood everywhere. What an asshole. That was the end for him. I had to put up with him for the rest of that weekend but then that was it.
"And for me, it's the touching around the anal area that's arousing, not the penetration or thrusting itself. So it's not taboo for me, but I'm not really into it.
"Golden showers? Excrement has no part in sexual relations. Period. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people? What happened to someone that they get turned on by someone excreting on them? What kind of childhood do these people have?
"Bondage? Fun! Definitely not taboo, at least as far as I feel safe in it. Just the idea is arousing for me. Sometimes my lover will tipsily wrap his belt or tie around my wrists and miss actually tying it, and even that is lovely. Sometimes I like the feeling that what's happening to me is beyond my control, that I'm totally not responsible for the naughty, nasty things that I'm allowing to be done to me - because I'm a good girl, and good girls don't do those things, much less enjoy them and encourage them, or ask for them. Or beg, if I'm forced to beg for it...
"Spanking? Delicious! Not at ALL taboo! Necessary. I don't get enough of it. My husband says he doesn't have it in him. He's watched me spank women that we've shared and he doesn't mind that, but has told me he'll leave all that up to me. So it's only those very, very rare moments with my lover, who adores my ass and all the things I let him do to it, that I get all the spanking that I want. He'll beat me beautifully, starting early in the evening with a quick smack here and there to remind me of what's to come later. There've been a few times when we've been drinking a little harder than normal when he's lit my ass up before we even get to the bedroom... ah, the memories! He's so good with it. He hurts me, but never over the edge into true violence and always under control. It's an art with him and I admire him so much for that. In fact, right now I miss him so much as my body is remembering everything he's done to me as I write...
"BDSM? Light only for me... I experience inner terror just seeing or reading about people who get into choking and suffocation and the like. For me, sex is a celebration of life, not a way to play with death. I can kind of see how fear can escalate the emotional ride, but I'm talking about, "Holy shit, did you see how close the cab came to hitting that guy?" not "Holy shit, I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't br..."
"That being said, there are some images that I find arousing for sure, images of acts in which I would never engage, but that stir my loins to see. One time I saw a picture of a woman in the stocks. Her head, hands and legs from the knees down were in the front, leaving her back and ass naked and exposed with her thighs slightly parted in the back. I get aroused by the idea of being treated like an object, (in a safe environment with someone I feel safe with,) so that image was incredibly hot to me. However, I feel pretty certain that I wouldn't enjoy what was being done to her in real life.
"I also like porn with soft-core rape fantasies and huge round glass butt plugs. It's the power play that intrigues me rather than the pain, though. Although I so like a little pain. My lover bites me so hard sometimes that I think I'm going to cry, but right when I get to that edge he backs off. And that turns me on even more.
"Paying for sex? I've thought about it. I don't think it's taboo. I pay good money for my masseuse to rub all my sore spots, so paying someone to rub some of my other spots wouldn't be much of a stretch for me. I'd like to just lay there and have someone do everything that I want them to do to me with no judgment or hesitation or day-after issues. However, I've managed to find that in my lover, so no need to pay for it right now in my life. When I no longer have access to him, anything is possible. I think I'd be skeevy about penetration, though.
"Other?
"How often do you engage in any of these taboo behaviors? As often as I get access to my lover. Sometimes a couple of times a month. Right now, not in the last six months. He's going to be in trouble when I finally get my hands on him again.
Sex Partners
"Is interracial sex taboo? Hell no. I've had sex with black men, Asian men, Spanish men and probably others that I've forgotten by now. A fine man is a fine man, period. Fuck him.
"Adultery? no, as long as everyone keeps their traps shut. It can be a big risk, but not taboo.
"Boss or subordinate? yes. I've been very attracted to several men for whom I've worked, but I won't mess with them while they write my checks.
"Sex with your cousin? nah Brother’s wife? yes Best friend’s girlfriend? yes Son’s best friend? yes
"A threesome? No, not at all taboo. I think that's like third base for this new generation, isn't it? Like adultery, there's a risk involved because if two of the people in the threesome are a couple, there can be a lot of expectations to manage. Each person has their idea of what it's going to be, and each person has their ideas about the other two people both separately and together, so it can become a big mess the morning after without good prep. But not taboo. Not at all.
"One of my favorite threesome was at my lover's going-away party. We "went hunting" together for girls in the past, but this night there was one girl he wanted, and he wanted her with us together. She was half black, half Eskimo and a fitness model and she was gorgeous. He could get any girl he wanted, but this one had gotten into his head as out of his league, so he was crazy about getting her. We each stalked her covertly at the party, with a fellting caress here and a lingering touch there, until finally he told her that he wanted her. And that he and I were a package deal. She stared at us for a moment and said, "We'll see..." which to both of our experienced ears was, "Yes." Right then and there, in the middle of the party with a house full of people, he led her to his room and I closed the door behind us. She started calling us predators, but she stayed right where she was and enjoyed herself thoroughly. It was the hunt with my lover that was the most fun for me - our most successful "kill" yet, and the perfect present to send him on his way to New York.
"Group sex? Not taboo. Again, can be lots of expectations to manage, but if everyone's on the same page, it can be lots of fun. I'm not much into it anymore, but there was one summer with some neighbors where the four of us were constantly having sex together. We thought we were very circumspect, but years later, another neighbor told me that when they'd moved in, someone told them that we were swingers. I have to assume that we weren't as careful as we thought we'd been! Or, that someone could have been stone cold lying just to be an ass. Who knows.
"Sex with a much younger or older partner? Nope. Not taboo. I've had sex with men half my age and half again as old as I am and I'd do either one again. My little cub was so cute... When I wouldn't tell him my name or give him my number, he got this look of understanding and loss on his face all at the same time - "You mean this is only a one-time deal?" Poor baby! He was so sad! His seduction was clumsy but we had fun anyway. One time was enough.
"Have you violated your own partner taboos—and with whom? I think my only partner taboo is any of my friends' sons. My brothers aren't married and even if they were, they wouldn't be marrying anyone for whom it would be an option for me anyway, and I don't have sons of my own, so there's no issue there, either. So no. No broken taboos here.
Sex Places
"Is public sex taboo? I don't think it's taboo, but it doesn't excite me. Groping under the table at dinner is fun, though.
"Which places are most taboo? Anywhere there are children.
"Is doing it at your parents’ house taboo? No, but I haven't done that in almost twenty years. Not taboo, but not exciting, either.
"In a friend’s bed? Nah, go for it. But keep it clean or clean it up after. Don't be an ass.
"Your marriage bed with someone else? it's a bed, not a sacred alter.
"Your kid’s bed? Okay, that is just disgusting. That being said, I had sex on a friend's kid's bed when I was 18 or 19 and drunk off my ass. Apparently, it didn't matter to me then.
"Have you violated any of these taboos?
The Big Questions
"Is taboo sex hotter? not for me... what's hot for me is feeling safe with someone I trust to be myself and who I can ask for what I want without worrying about judgement or repercussions
"What taboo won’t you violate? Anything I've said here that's taboo is taboo for me, period. Anything else I will or have tried.
"Or relish—or regret having violated? When I was younger, I always said no anal sex because that's an out-hole, not an in-hole. I'm glad I relaxed on that one. Figuratively AND literally!
"Do you keep pushing the taboo envelope? As long as it's what I consider safe, it's not taboo. So no."
Reprinted with permission from Susan Crain Bakos Blog Sexy Prime http://sexyprime.typepad.com/sexyprime/
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| Mon, 25 Jan 2010 12:59:31 |
SusanCrainBakos |
Tags:
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the
in
HOW TO LIVE WITH YOUR EX: Sex In The Rear Entry Position
“Never in my life have I let a fling get to me like this one has,” the interesting man said, in reference to a recent romantic break-up with his roommate, who is still in the apartment. She was his roommate before she was his lover. (Lesson #1: Don’t bang the roomie, even if she takes her shirt off in the kitchen while you’re making dinner. Turn off the burners and leave the apartment. Quickly.) A recent Ask Auntie Sue question about sex with the ex prompted his own confession to me. “Having her live there is just weird and doesn’t make getting over her easier.”
The lady in question is not so special (as he is!) that “getting over her” would be that difficult—if they weren’t sharing the same apartment. He watches her walk out the door, dressed for a date, and wakes in the morning, wondering if she came home—or not. Ah, the wounding sexual drama of it all.
According to my emails in response to that Auntie Sue question, it is a drama that’s being played out all across recessionary America—at different levels of comedy and pathos. (*Hello, NBC, 10 o’clock dramadey concept here.) Some people can’t afford a divorce and have moved to separate bedrooms in suburbia, or bed/couch in cities. Others were urban roomies who crossed the boundary line and now wish they hadn’t—or roomies who moved in together as lovers—and now aren’t or wish they weren’t. What to do? First, remember that camping in your mom and step dad’s basement, homeless shelters, on your best friend’s lumpy couch or the city’s transport system is even less conducive to good sleep than the presence of your ex down the hall—and jumping into a new relationship because he has a big apartment is the worst idea of all. Then:
· If you break the “no sex” rule as inevitably you will—recognize that 1.) the sex changes nothing and 2.) adults do not have to pretend that it does.
· When you break the “no sex” rule—have intercourse in the rear entry position only. Less intimate. You can fantasize he is someone else more easily if you don’t have to look into his eyes while you come. Play with your clit. Enjoy the bang. (See The Sex Bible and The Sex Bible for Women for variations on the classic position.)
· The un-breakable rule: Neither brings another lover home. Ever.
· Make that sexual tension work for you. Masturbate. Babes, buy a new vibrator. Boys, have you tried The Sleeve? All of you, go to Babeland and find toys to amuse you alone while locked in your own room on a winter's night.
· Don’t date anyone with a roommate.
· Recognize that your feelings of loss and occasional longings for re-attachment are inspired by the drama of the situation.
· Save your money so you can get out of there as soon as possible.
Reprinted with permission from Susan Crain Bakos Blog Sexy Prime http://sexyprime.typepad.com/sexyprime/
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| Mon, 25 Jan 2010 12:59:27 |
SusanCrainBakos |
Tags:
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WHITE MEN AND SEX: Look Who's Talking About It Now
Feminist writer Katie Roiphe in The New York Times Book Review—that’s who. She stands up for the sexual writings of the much-pilloried old lion generation of novelists—Philip Roth, John Updike, Norman Mailer—and puts down the puny erotic efforts of the next generation—Jonathan Franzen, Michael Chabon, Dave Eggers—who are, in fact, now middle-aged.
She writes: “The younger writers are so self-conscious, so steeped in a certain kind of liberal education, that their characters can’t condone even their own sexual impulses; they are, in short, too cool for sex…”
I got stoned in the public square—in the figurative sense, but only because my address wasn’t published—when I wrote in a New York Press essay that white men lose their sexual MoJo after forty while black men don’t.
Moral to the story: One can safely draw conclusions about white male sexuality within the confines of writing about the white male literary establishment. Leave black men out of it—and please bury the white penises in nice, big expensive words so we can’t tell if they do have erections or likely not.
Roiphe does make some good points. White men don’t write, or write convincingly, about sex anymore. (Okay, sure, some, like William Boyd, do, but I am going with the path of sweeping generalization that Roiphe takes. You travel faster this way. It’s fun, like skiing on friendly slopes or water sliding.)
Partly we can blame the curiously asexual Iowa School of Writers (and its clones), institutions that have given us too many novelists, male and female, who write technically proficient prose inside boring novels. Sex doesn’t belong in these books because sex, done well, is not boring. An avid reader, I can pick up the cadences of an Iowa grad in the first few pages—and they are not cadences that kick start the libido.
As Roiphe indirectly acknowledges, we can also look for the roots of that “passivity, a paralyzed sweetness, a deep ambivalence about sexual appetite” in the 70s’ rhetoric of anti-male, anti-sex feminism that helped shape our modern thinking about sexuality, specifically male sexuality—and gave us David Ducovny as sex addict in “Californication” and perhaps real life.
She failed to mention David Letterman, who fathered the culture of “irony” which made “snarking,” judgment without investigation, the lowbrow intellectual equivalent of Wikipedia. Throw in media sexual overkill--from ads to porn—and we have the soup in which white men seem to float flaccidly.
But I’m talking about white men—and she, the white male literary establishment.
Author Steve Almond both praises and tweaks Roiphe in his entertaining blog post, “Katie Roiphe’s Big Cock Block.”
He says,
‘I’m tired of reading novels and stories in which two or more central characters get naked and all we get is the morning-after orange juice. It strikes me as a huge missed opportunity, because people (and therefore characters) are never more themselves than when they’re exposed to the ecstasies and humiliations of what we in the biz call the nasté.”
Yes!—but he asks:
“Why the hell is she just talking about hetero white men?
“I hereby empower the Katie Roiphes of the world to stop writing about us as the dominant literary/cultural faction. Instead, you can lump us in with all those females and people of color and homosexuals and female homosexuals of color, who also write great books, many of them with great sex scenes. Such as, uh, Mary Gordon and Michael Lowenthal and Junot Diaz and Alicia Erian and Mary Gaitskill and…”
Finally, he posits that literary critics, not feminists, may have killed sex in literature:
“But I can also pretty much promise you that writing about sex as it actually exists – as a complex and dangerous emotional experience – will not help your literary career.”
I never claimed to have a literary career, but I did have a career as a journalist—until I used words like “cock” and “pussy” in print and, omigod, wrote about my own orgasms. Writing about sex in a personal way is not, and probably never has been, the short cut to professional validation.
Read Roiphe’s essay in NYTBR and Almond’s response, including his literate and sexy reading suggestions.
British journalist Andrea Busfield’s born under a million shadows (Holt paperback) is not my kind of book. The main viewpoint character is a child—and the press release describes born as “life-affirming” and “heart warming”. So is a good bowl of Irish oatmeal.
A few months back I opened the advance reader’s copy and decided to give it ten pages, tops. I read straight through to the end. Busfield’s story of an Afghan boy and his widowed mother and Georgie, the Englishwoman who falls in love with the Afghan warlord Haji, is an international best-seller—and deservedly so. Beautifully written, wise and funny, it did touch my heart, yet without making me feel like Oprah had just applied the emotional jaws of life to crack open my chest.Busfield spent three years in Afghanistan where she fell in love with a captain in the Austrian army and went home with him when his tour of duty ended. She captures the longing of desire between a man and a woman from two different cultures living in a sexually repressed society--Georgie and Haji who must be careful not to touch even hands in public. Smoldering. That is the word. Go buy this book.
Reprinted with permission from Susan Crain Bakos Blog Sexy Prime http://sexyprime.typepad.com/sexyprime/
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| Mon, 25 Jan 2010 12:59:23 |
SusanCrainBakos |
Tags:
sex
DOWN–AND-DIRTY SEX: SexyPrime’s Taboo Sex Survey
What’s the down-and-dirtiest sex you ever had—with whom and where?
I’m willing to bet you broke a taboo (yours or society’s) in the experience. Illicit sex is the down-and-dirtiest. Why else would sex advisors tell married couples to pretend to pick each other up in a bar?
I had an interesting discussion on this subject with a stranger on a plane. Sometimes I tell strangers I write about sex and sometimes I don’t. It doesn’t matter. They tell me about their sex lives.
The man, who looked forty-ish, said that he and his wife are enjoying better sex since he started traveling two weeks out of the month. “We really want each other when I get home.” His best friend, on the other hand, recently returned from a business trip early and found his wife in bed with another man.
“In our bed,” the friend said. “I will never get that image out of my mind. I could forgive an affair, but not in my own bed. He was lying on my side of the bed when I walked in the room.”
His soon-to-be ex-wife violated his ultimate sex taboo by cuckolding him in his own bed. I’m with him. I might sleep with my second cousin, twice removed, or have sex with another woman’s husband, but not in her bed.
What is the sex taboo you won’t violate—or relish having violated—or regret having violated?
I eagerly anticipate hearing from my readers in these surveys. What an open and honest, smart, sexy and witty group SexyPrime readers are. Have I told you lately that I love you?
THE TABOO SEX SURVEY
Please tell me your age, race, relationship status—and answer the questions! Juicy stories appreciated/anticipated.
Sex Acts
What sexual acts are taboo?
Anal intercourse? Golden showers? Bondage? Spanking? BDSM? Kissing a prostitute? Paying for sex? Other?
How often do you engage in any of these taboo behaviors?
Sex Partners
Is interracial sex taboo?
Adultery?
Boss or subordinate?
Sex with your cousin? Brother’s wife? Best friend’s girlfriend? Son’s best friend?
A threesome? Group sex?
Sex with a much younger or older partner?
Have you violated your own partner taboos—and with whom?
Sex Places
Is public sex taboo? Which places are most taboo?
Is doing it at your parents’ house taboo?
In a friend’s bed? Your marriage bed with someone else? Your kid’s bed?
Other?
Have you violated any of these taboos?
The Big Questions
Is taboo sex hotter?
What taboo won’t you violate?
Or relish—or regret having violated?
Do you keep pushing the taboo envelope?
Reprinted with permission from Susan Crain Bakos Blog Sexy Prime http://sexyprime.typepad.com/sexyprime/
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